Confidence: Removing Self-Doubt

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You’ve heard it before: “Sell with confidence”, “The confident approach”, Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” We could go on listing confident quotes for the entire article, but it’s not going to change the person you are. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you work at. Confidence isn’t even something that’s necessarily learned, it’s practiced.


Removing Self-Doubt

I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to know that the only person in the way of self-confidence is you, and it starts with self-doubt. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking you couldn’t do something, only to find out you probably could, you’re the victim of self-doubt. Our brains are hard-wired to act on a sub-conscious level, so what we tell ourselves deep down will eventually surface when it’s called upon. Let’s flip the script: what about something you told yourself you COULD do, and you DID it! How fucking awesome did it feel? I’m willing to bet you sported wood for days.


Your Circle of Friends

Do you have a friend on Facebook that consistently posts negative status updates? “Why won’t this get any easier?” “Just another shitty thing life has thrown at me?!” “When am I going to win the lottery?” Maybe this is a better question: Is that person YOU? Take a good, hard look at your circle of friends. If the majority of your friends are in self-doubt, you are in self-doubt, my friend. What about the friend that posts positive quotes all day? Believe it or not, these are the most miserable people you could possibly know. Anybody that needs to post positive quotes to reinforce their status in life is living in hell. Now – having said that – I do believe in positive affirmation, but you don’t need to broadcast it to your circle of friends. Words don’t convey confidence, action does.

Positive Affirmation

I’m going to clarify my subject here, because I don’t want you to be confused about what I just told you. Confidence comes from within, and it’s something you should convey, not boast. Nobody likes the guy that talks about how much money he makes, how much stuff he has, how smart he is, etc. However, telling yourself I CAN DO THIS works WONDERS in removing self-doubt. The sooner you believe, the sooner you receive. Have you ever woke up feeling shitty? Of course you have, and there are days you’re going to wake up feeling shitty. The good news here? Positive affirmation when practiced regularly is an effective tool that will REDUCE those shitty mornings, afternoons, and nights! Are you a glass-half-full type of person, or a glass-half-empty type of person? Bear with me, because I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of this stuff before, but when used CORRECTLY this stuff actually DOES work!!

  • When you wake up, try to look for something positive that’s going to happen. I don’t care if it’s something as simple as your morning coffee at the gas station by your house. Create something to look forward to. The sooner you forget about the negative, the brighter the positives will come. Negatives and positives have a snowball effect. Which one do you want?
  • Find NEW music to get into. I know you have a songs that you absolutely love, but new beginnings require new tastes. Mix up your ipod, burn some new CDs’, try a different radio station. You want to re-wire your subconscious.
  • Smile: I can’t tell you how big this is. I remember when I was a telemarketer(yes, at one time I was the devil), they always told us to smile. We had to keep a mirror at our desks to ensure that we knew we were smiling. Effect? Sales increase! People that carry themselves with a positive demeanor attract positives(in my case, sales)! There’s a saying “fake it until you make it”. I can’t say I agree with this entirely. If you’re in a shitty mood, smile anyway. However, it takes a lot more than faking to be happy. Whoever came up with the idea that all it takes is a smile to turn your life around must have been smoking hash. The shit ain’t that easy.
  • Try to find the good in people: It’s hard, I know. People are going to annoy the shit out of you; try to find the best in them. Gravitate toward the positive people around you, but find the best in everything you see.


Put Your Money to Work

Money is power, my friends. And what you do with it is HUGE. I have to recommend two books here: “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill and “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki. I can already tell you’re intelligent by the fact that you read, so that’s a moot point. Intelligence doesn’t dictate financial freedom, unfortunately. It took me years to get a handle on my finances, only because I wanted to keep up with the Joneses. What I’m saying is, if your finances are hurting, get a handle on them. If you have a handle on your finances, but you carry a heavy debt load, pay it down. If you’re financially sound, and carry little debt, then invest in something aggressive. Now, I’m not saying to throw your 401k into a pyramid scheme. I’m saying you’re never going to make anything substantial without taking any risk. I like Tony Robbin’s take on life: If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

If you have shitty credit, then you need to get it fixed. Nothing screams “ugh…loser” worse than a shitty credit score. Newsflash: it only takes two years to rebuild your credit. Bankruptcy? Foreclosure? No worries. Again, credit is something that is easily rebuilt. My suggestion? Get your annual credit report, add up everything, and set up a payment plan. DO NOT fall for commercials saying they can reduce your debt by 60 percent. Can they? Yes, they can, but it’s a NEGATIVE reflection on your credit score. Truth be told, if your debt is so bad that you must settle for less, then do it yourself. What they DON’T tell you in those commercials is that you can do it on your own! Negotiate a settlement, work out a payment plan, and move on. Again, it DOES NOT take long to rebuild your finances! On the flip side, if you continue to struggle financially you’re never going to project a positive demeanor. Get rid of the “ugh…loser” connotation stat.

If you pay your bills, but your credit card debt is choking you every month, take that bonus or tax return and get rid of it. I never understood the concept behind credit cards. I mean think about it, would you borrow $20, take your girlfriend out to eat, and make payments on that purchase? Hell no. It goes beyond reason. Look, I get it. You want that newest, coolest gadget, but you’re going to be kicking yourself in the ass when you want to spring for that need to get away and you’re saddled with CC debt. Advice? Keep a credit card with a small limit($250-$1,000 max)and maintain half of the balance. Maintain your minimum monthly payment. But please, PLEASE pay down larger debts. Clothing store credit cards? Ridiculous. You don’t have to shop at Express for everything to look cool. We’ll have upcoming articles for shopping on the cheap.

If your finances are healthy, and you have little or no debt, what are you doing with your money? Is it stashed away safely in a savings account? Roth IRA? Why not do something daring? I’m not saying you should empty out your retirement account, but why not put some of that money to good use? Maybe you have a friend with a decent business idea, or you hustle a few items on ebay. Whatever the case may be, step out of your financial comfort zone and do something daring. Having said that, don’t invest any more than you would be willing to gamble with, because there’s always the chance you will lose it. But what if you start to make money? What better way to strike up a conversation about your new business venture? Nobody likes a bragger, but EVERYBODY likes a person with VISION and AMBITION.


Get into shape

For skinny guys, it’s hard to put on weight. For fat guys, it’s hard to lose weight. Nobody said it was going to be easy. I’m a skinny guy, and I had to work my ass off to get to a decent size. The key? You have to want it. I freakin love to read, so I read and read until I was blue in the face. Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health, Muscle and Fitness – you name it, I read it. Armed with knowledge, I was ready to get into shape. I spent a year in the gym and didn’t see ANY results. You know why? I didn’t want it bad enough. YOU HAVE TO TRAIN YOUR MIND TO WANT IT. Hard work pays off. First, we’ll go over the “skinny guy” myths:

  • I just can’t gain weight.
  • I would have to eat all day every day to gain weight.
  • I tried working out, but I couldn’t put on size.
  • I’m just naturally thin.

Now for the fat guys:

  • It’s genetic.
  • My joints are bad.
  • I’ve tried dieting.
  • The weight comes right back on.

Like I said, I’m a skinny guy, and it wasn’t easy gaining weight. My secret? I showed up every day and gave effort, and eventually found a guy willing to help out. Don’t be afraid to bother a guy in great shape and ask a few tips. Some guys are just dicks, so yeah, you’re going to meet a few of those, too. 9 times out of 10 those guys overcompensate being ripped for being stupid. You have the upper hand, my friend. I would much rather be the smart guy that worked his ass off for a ripped physique than the naturally talented moron. Your two best friends are going to be creatine and protein powder. I didn’t do anything crazy to get into shape. For skinny guys, you’re already at a disadvantage because a girl would much rather have somebody with a little bit of meat on their bones. Nobody wants the shrimp of the group. On the positive side, when you fill out you’re the most defined. When you put a shirt on, you’re going to show it. 6 pack? Yeah, you got it.

If you’re thick, overweight, ¬†etc. – it’s just as hard, don’t get me wrong. I can eat cake, fried chicken and all kinds of shit and I don’t get fat. Hey man, it’s not fair, but we play the cards we’re dealt. I’ve had the cards stacked against me because like I said, a girl would rather go with a guy that’s a little heavier than a guy that’s a little skinnier. Here’s the thing: healthy food can be JUST as good as shitty food. I love pizza. I mean I fucking LOVE pizza. I’ll take St Louis style pizza over any pizza, but after eating pizza I just feel like laying on the couch all day. You’re basically eating grease and bread. Break that into smaller chunks(fried chicken, cheeseburger, etc), and you can see where your lack of motivation comes from. Do you think I liked eating salmon at first? No, the stuff stinks up your house, too. But, it’s packed full of healthy fats, oils and protein. I knew a girl that was lucky enough to have met a billionaire that told her one of the secrets to his success and health was a piece of dark chocolate and salmon every day. Salmon and many other fish are brain foods, my friend, so you better learn to love it somehow. Veggies – I’m still trying to love them. It’s hard, man. I hated them when I was a kid, I’m embracing them more as an adult. If you’re going to skimp on veggies, at least eat broccoli. Broccoli is pound-for-pound your best friend if you’re going to skimp on your veggies. Compile a decent diet with grilled meats, rich vegetables and low carbs and you’ll see the pounds start to come off with some decent cardio exercise. Cardio is no different than lifting weights in that you go for short gains. I gained size by putting on just a little more weight each week I worked out, so you can’t tell me it’s any different than running for just a few more minutes are a little higher speed each week.

The Confident Man

I came up with the idea for this site a couple of years ago. I envisioned a men’s magazine with fashion tips, fitness advice, hot girls and most important – tips on confidence. I was an outgoing kid. I always wanted to make people laugh, but as I got older I found myself questioning who I was. I worried more and more about what other people thought, and more and more it chipped away at my self-esteem. I turned to booze to loosen up and it only made things worse. Confidence is something you are going to build on for the rest of your life. Confidence with women, confidence with your job, confidence with your family and friends – it all starts with small steps, and if you follow what I teach, you’ll turn small gains into giant leaps. I’m proud of where I am, what I had to go through, and how I accomplished it. We’re all here to do better, so let’s embrace the fact that we’re confident men looking to build on the greatness we already have.


-Tommy B