Ask Her: Going Limp with the Girl on Top

  • Sharebar

150b1f8357255549c0a57b89ed3f4916_MDear Bailey

I feel I have an amazing sex life, and I’m very attracted to my woman, but when she rides me cowgirl style I always go limp. Is there anything wrong with me?

-Greg A;  Avalon, CA

What a great question, and you are in luck!  The short answer is nothing is wrong with you or your penis. This is an extremely common occurrence for men, and your sex drive and stamina will not have to be called into question.

Physiologically, a man’s erection is strongest while standing up or leaning forward due to a little thing called gravity. When your penis is below your heart, blood flows faster and stronger to your little soldier.  In essence, your penis has high blood pressure. Having sex on your back causes a few things to happen:

  1. Your penis becomes much closer to “heart level” thus reducing penile blood pressure, causing a softer penis.
  2. While your woman is riding you, the pressure from her vagina  squeezes the blood out of your penis, and although it feels amazing, she is literally squeezing the fuck out of you.
  3. Blood flow is further diminished by her weight on your central body. Even though your mind is telling you that watching a naked girl ride you like a sexy cowgirl is amazing, her legs are reducing flow to your lower body, further exacerbating the issue (this is also why you will sometimes notice cold toes after sex too).

It all really boils down to gravity.  Blood likes to flow downhill, and having sex in this position is like trying to push it uphill, but never fear, hope is not lost; there are ways to keep it up. Try some of the following tactics to get her riding you again.

While you are fully aroused, put a cock ring on right before she rides you.  This will assist keeping your penile sphincter closed, helping to hold the blood in your penis while her vagina is trying to squeeze it out. Make sure not to use metal ones though.  That can lead to very very bad things.  Ever visit an emergency room to have a metal ring sawed off your Penis while it is engorged and turning purple and black?  Don’t let that be you.

If cock rings aren’t your thing, try to  get worked up and excited then start with her on top. Have her ride you for a while and if you feel yourself going limp, flip her over and continue.  Your penis will likely return to its erect state, then flip her again and repeat. While she is on top, you can even try something simple like sitting up a bit.  This will raise your heart above your penis and help gravity a bit. Plus you get kissing action while she rides you.  Very sexy bonus points.

Finally, practice kegels every day. Kegels improve the strength of your erection AND the power of your orgasm. I won’t get into the specifics here, but trust me.  Do kegels every day, and you probably won’t have any more problems.

It sounds like you are sexually healthy in that you obtain and maintain normal erections, but gravity is just impacting your effectiveness in maintaining an erection when you are lying on your back. I seriously doubt that this is a serious medical problem.

An issue I won’t get into detail about now is a psychological one.  Some men feel that being on bottom is emasculating. If this is the case, you could lose an erection because your mind is telling you that you are less of a man for being mounted by a woman.  If you think you fall into this category, perhaps therapy would be ideal for you.  However, it seems like your relationship is solid and you merely suffer from gravitational forces.

Good luck!




Bailey Ryan is our resident relationship expert and senior editor. She is a syndicated columnist and the author of “Ask Her”, and has been a guest on several radio and TV broadcasts, and has been recently been cast on a TV show and in a movie. She specializes in sexual behavior, relationship advice, and off-road jeep tech. Feel free to send any questions your heart desires to the magazine or Bailey directly, either on twitter: @chirebailey or email: