Ask Her: Bend Over Boyfriend; The Truth About Pegging

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4fc4c4f2cb15fDear Bailey,

My wife wants to do me with a strap-on, and although I’m not REPULSED by the idea, I am afraid it will emasculate me in her eyes in some way, or make her think I’m gay.  What should I do?

Sam S. –Hollywood Ca

First of all Sam, I think you should feel blessed that you have a loving wife that is willing to share her fantasies with you and wants you to be part of them.  She sounds like the kind of chick I’d want to hang out with.

In The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners, Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian make the case that straight “men who get into anal penetration are among the most secure in their masculinity: because they’ve examined themselves, faced their fears.”  I fully agree with this. A straight man that is willing to take a pounding from his wife is about as hot as it gets.

The idea that penetration is an act of dominance is almost certainly tied in to sexism and the notion that the woman’s role is inferior. Even if a man doesn’t think it is an act of dominance when he penetrates his partner, he may still hesitate to switch roles because he is afraid that it will mean losing his masculinity if he takes a turn catching instead of pitching.

Let go of this.  Your wife isn’t going to view you any differently, and truth be told, she is going to be more attracted to you for realizing that sex is an experience to be shared, and trying new things is the spice of life.  Taking a dildo in the ass is not emasculating, nor does it make you gay in any way.  Think about it. A woman is doing all the work, and you can sit there and enjoy the sensation.  She’s really doing you a favor. In theory it’s technically more gay to masturbate.  After all, you are touching a dudes penis.  and getting off on it.

In all seriousness, receiving anal sex tends to be more pleasurable for a man because prostate stimulation can cause orgasm. The prostate gland is about the size of a walnut, and is located behind the anterior wall of the anus, about 3 inches in. If you can get a vibrating strap on that is curved to stimulate the prostate, you will likely enjoy the ride a lot more. Just make sure it’s not TOO big. Smaller is better the first time.  A dildo of 5 to 6 inches in length and 1 to 1.5 inches in diameter should be adequate.

Once you are ready, apply a generous amount of  lubricant to the head and shaft of the dildo and to your anus.  There is no such thing as too much lube! Take it slow, give lots of feedback, and enjoy the experience.

I’m very excited for you Sam.  You are allowing your wife to fulfill her sexual fantasies while letting go of any preconceived notions of sexuality and masculinity.  Have fun!

 

NOTE:

If this post seems familiar to my loyal readers, you are right. Last year I answered this question and it became my number one most viewed  article, hitting 40 thousand views per day.  We’ve recently noticed a dip in daily numbers and after doing some research, we found that the article had been accidentally deleted during the server switch in January, and alas, I didn’t have a copy to re-upload.

Oh well. I’ll try and pick up the shattered pieces of my life and not sink beneath my anguish.  This week’s Ask Her tackled that question once again.

 

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Bailey Ryan is our resident relationship expert and senior editor. She is a syndicated columnist and the author of “Ask Her”, and has been a guest on several radio and TV broadcasts, and has been recently been cast on a TV show and in a movie. She specializes in sexual behavior, relationship advice, and off-road jeep tech. Feel free to send any questions your heart desires to the magazine or Bailey directly, either on twitter: @chirebailey or email: BaileyRyan@mensconfidence.com.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5808982/