Ask Her: Why Smart Girls Are Better In Bed (and how to pick one up)

  • Sharebar

6016447741_480492d765Dear Bailey,

I’ve always been attracted to smarter girls, but I feel intimidated by them for some reason, and always end up dating girls that are shall we say… less intelligent.  How do I approach smarter girls without looking like an idiot?

Karl D. –Los Angeles, CA


Karl.  You have been depriving yourself of one of the greatest joys in the world, and that is a relationship with a brainy chick.  A recent scientific study has found that gals with smarts have more fun in bed, do naughtier things, and are much happier with their sex life than their bimbo counterparts.  Another fun correlation is higher IQ = more orgasms for her. The co-author of the study, Andrea Burri, said intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women’s sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires. Since smart girls are more fun in bed, they are clearly worth the extra effort it might take to woo said strumpet.  This brings us to you, Karl.  Without advanced diagnosis I have to conclude one of two things: either there is something in your psyche that is afraid of being outdone by a woman, or (more likely) you are afraid she will see through your bullshit, and call you out on it, and find out that you are completely beneath her.

I’m here to tell you not to worry about either of these things. Smart girls have the advantage of knowing they are smart, and as long as you bring something worthwhile to the table, your lack of knowledge on Parthian Spahbod Surena’s role in the Battle of Carrhae isn’t going to turn her off.

Let’s face it. Smart girls are sexy as hell. They’re witty, insightful and often wear those hot dark-rimmed glasses. OK, maybe I’m stereotyping a bit, but my point is that it’s worth your time to learn how not to look like a donkey’s ass in front of Miss Smartypants.

So the question is: How do you attract an intelligent woman?

Here’s your first tip:  The priorities of smart girls aren’t really that different from those of any other girl. Keep that in mind.

Intelligent women do pose certain challenges during the initial pickup however. At first it may seem as if the two of you don’t have much in common. Your interests and hobbies might be vastly different, but those obstacles can be easily overcome. All smart girls need to know is that you can engage them on some sort of an intellectual level. It’s really all about your conversational abilities.

Don’t Fake Intelligence

Remember that scene in Good Will Hunting when Ben Affleck tries to pick up Minnie Driver at that bar? Remember how he tries to look all smart and sophisticated, but instead he just ends up looking like a douche nozzle?

Don’t be that guy. When you’re trying to pick up a smart girl, it’s essential that you not under any circumstances pretend to know something that you don’t. First, she’ll likely see right through your stupid act. Second, trying to prove that you’re her intellectual equal (or superior) will make you look extremely insecure. Girls like guys who aren’t ashamed of what they bring to the table.  Remember that it’s always better to seem inquisitive than authoritative. Trying to sound smart only makes you sound dumb.

Don’t Defer to Her Intelligence

OK, so you don’t want to act like a know-it-all, but don’t get caught playing dumb either. Even if you’re legitimately in awe of her intelligence, don’t let on TOO much. Giving her compliments like “Wow, you’re so brilliant” or “I never would have thought of that” may seem harmless at first, but they don’t necessarily reflect positively on you. Consider this: If you’re constantly telling a woman how smart she is, she’ll probably start to suspect you don’t spend much time in the company of intelligent people.

Smart girls respect intellectual curiosity. So show her you’re interested in learning new things. Tell her about the enriching experiences you’ve had or hope to have. And if you don’t have many of those experiences, talk to her about how you’ve always wanted to travel to Tibet, or learn how to wakeboard. When talking to any woman, your conversation has to go beyond the mundane questions.  Take it to the next level. Ask her what it was that made her want to be a lawyer, or as a teacher what she feels when she realizes her students have genuinely learned something from her. When she tells you where she’s from, ask her what it was like to grow up there. Great questions like these will make you stand out from the crowd.

Be Honest About What You Like

When you meet a really intelligent woman, you might find it difficult to carry a conversation if the two of you don’t share many common interests. Maybe the two of you haven’t read the same books or seen the same films. This is one of the many challenges associated with trying to pick up a smart woman (or any woman), but just because you haven’t had the same experiences doesn’t mean she’s out of your league. Everyone is an expert on something. So what if she speaks five languages? Maybe you’re a gifted metalworker or maybe you excel at coaching water polo. You might not be able to relate to her specific passions, but you do understand what it’s like to be passionate about something. Connect with her along those lines. Show her what you know and share your passions with her.

When it boils down to it, dating a smart girl is the same as dating a dumb one. Be honest, kind, and thoughtful, and you have nothing to fear.




Bailey Ryan is our resident relationship expert and senior editor. She is a syndicated columnist and the author of “Ask Her”, and has been a guest on several radio and TV programs, and has been recently been cast on a TV show and in a movie. She specializes in sexual behavior, relationship advice, and off-road jeep tech. Feel free to send any questions your heart desires to the magazine or Bailey directly, either on twitter: @chirebailey or email: BaileyRyan@mensconfidence.com