Ryan Barlow

With the launch party/speed-dating event of Finding Love Magazine looming, I’ve been getting bombarded with questions about speed dating protocol. Since you only have five to ten minutes to decide whom you consider long-term partner material, you must make your speed dating count.

Beautiful women love to go speed dating because men often don’t have the courage to approach them in a normal social setting, and it’s a fun night out with their girlfriends.  This is not the case for the guys. Eligible men don’t round up their buddies on a Saturday night for a few beers and two hours of speed dating just for fun. The guys on your left and right will often be unattractive, dull, socially awkward, or live with their mother. If this is you, don’t panic! Ladies tend not too be too shallow, and one of these traits probably won’t be a deal breaker, but you’ll stand out from the crowd if you don’t have too many of them.

What you need to know is that this is prime hunting ground for the savvy player. Ladies speed date to look for a guy who is interesting, charming, and confident, and many of the men do not fall into this category. If you can pull off some of the advice here, you’re already ahead of the game. Here are my tips on successfully navigating speed dating while having a great time.

Dress to Impress

The girls you’ll meet have made an effort. They are at their hottest, and you need to be as well. Do not go in the soccer shirt you wore yesterday. A suit is not necessary, although for certain events may be appropriate.  Wear a dress shirt and some decent shoes. It’s a first date combined with a job interview.  Dress accordingly.

Don’t Open With The Usual

Most speed dating nights have an average of 20 to 30 people from each sex. If you’re near the end of the line, the bored woman in front of you has already repeated the story of where she comes from and what she does for a living for the past two hours. Start with something you can steer out of the mundane, such as topics along the lines of travel, dreams for the future or childhood memories.

Be Confident!

Show Confidence, Even If You Don’t Feel Confident! People like their partners to show confidence.  The truth is you can fake it until you make it. In the course of “acting” confident, you actually train yourself to be more confident!  Try it, it really works!

Don’t Be the Creepy Guy

Every speed dating event has one. You might not mean to be, but it will come off that way if you ask things like: “What is a girl like you doing at speed dating?”  “Wanna hook up after this event?” “What’s your phone number?” She’ll be rubbed the wrong way. The system dictates that you discreetly mark the “yes” box and if the other person does the same, you will be provided with their contact details. Don’t push it.

Don’t Elaborate on Your Weaknesses

You have five minutes to sell yourself. Don’t talk about losing your job, not being able to find work, and moving in with your grandparents. Don’t mention ex-girlfriends, bad breakups or the fact that your family forced you to go to speed dating to get you out of the house because you’ve been pretty depressed recently.  This actually might belong under the Creepy Guy section.  Don’t do it.  Positive attitude only!

Have Some Good Questions Prepared in Advance

This might be the most important part of speed dating.  By preparing different questions and the answers to those questions, you have already differentiated yourself from the “what do you do for a living?” type of guys.

It’s often better to show a sense of humor than to appear overly serious at first, so here are some humorous questions you can use to break the ice:

• “What superpower would you most like to have?”
• “What’s your favorite dinosaur?”
• “Didn’t I meet you in 2009 at the Star Trek Convention?”
• How did your last relationship end… with a restraining order?
• “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”
• “What would you spend a million dollars on?”
• “You wouldn’t mind if my mom joined us if we go out on a date, would you?”
• “Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.”
• If there were an extra hour in the day, what would you spend it doing?
• “Have you attended a high school reunion yet?”
• “If you could be any animal what would you be?”

These questions may seem silly, and that is the point. Unless everyone at your event has read this article, you will stand out as quirky and charming, but not desperate.  Women can smell desperation, and it’s not a pretty picture.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, you will put the ladies at ease, and everyone will have a better time.

As an alternative to off-the-wall questions, spend a couple of minutes reading up on odd news stories you can pull out of your sleeve just in case. The guy with the nugget about the pole-dancing zoo animal may not be in high demand out on the streets, but he’ll inevitably leave an impression speed dating, just by having offered something different. Bonus points if you can actually weave your story into the conversation.

Here are some popular questions you may be asked, so have answers prepared in your mind.  I personally don’t think you should ask too many of these questions, unless they are asked of you first, but one or two never hurts.

• What are you most proud of in your life?
• Is religion important to you?
• What do you do for fun?
• Do you want to get or have you ever been married?
• Do you want or do you have any children?
• If we got into an argument, how would we settle it?
• What do you do for work?
• Is sexual compatibility important to you?
• What do you look for in a spouse?

Say Goodbye Properly

This is CRUCIAL! Almost every guy speed dating stops mid-sentence and clumsily shuffles off to the next table when they are told their time is up. Don’t go in for a hug or anything creepy like that, but be sure to let her finish what she was saying, look her in the eye and say how very nice it was to meet her. Hold the eye contact for a second, go for a slight nod and a half-smile, and then move on without a backward glance. This will say volumes about you.  I promise.

Finally, Do NOT line up your dates

Congratulations, you scored a few dates! Just remember girlfriends often tend to be attracted to the same type of guy, so be sure to start with one date and schedule the others afterward. Sixty percent of girls go speed dating with their friends, so if you accidentally try to line up three BFF’s the Friday, Saturday and Sunday after the event, they will not be impressed, and you’ll be back to square one.

Have a great time!  If you are interested in speed dating, come down to the Finding Love Magazine Launch Party and Speed Dating event this weekend in Santa Monica, CA. Lea and I will be there mingling and having a good time.  Stop by and say hi.

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Ryan Barlow is an American author and college professor.  His undergraduate education is in sexual psychology, and he currently teaches veterinary medicine at Boston Reed University.  He is pursuing his PhD in anthropology; with an emphasis in tribal sexuality.

For the more open minded, his rated R comedy feed can be found here.