Confidence

Old People Behaving Badly

1
April 13, 2012
by Ryan Barlow in , , ,

Last week, a friend in his mid 60’s approached me who knew about my undergraduate studies in sexual behavior.  He was wondering at what age he was likely to stop having sex.  It caught me as odd because he seems spry, but this is not as uncommon a question as you’d think. Most people assume that sex stops after some vague age.

Here is a statistic you can’t unlearn:  Last week, more than half of those aged 57 to 75 said they gave or received oral sex.  Yes, Grandpa went south on Grandma, and in return she gobbled Grandpa’s knob.

It doesn’t stop at 75 either.  Over a third of 75 to 85 year olds also partook of the carnal pleasures of the flesh.

An unprecedented study of sex and seniors finds that many older people are surprisingly frisky. They are willing to do, talk about, and even demonstrate intimate acts that would make their grandchildren blush.

That may be too much information for some folks. Granny bouncing on Grandpa naked in the bedroom is enough to get most of us to plug our ears and say, “LALALALALA, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.”

However, we all are getting older, and why should the youth of the world be the only ones enjoying their partners?  As expected, sex and interest in it do fall off when people are in their 70s, but more than a quarter of those up to age 85 reported still being sexually active.

And the drop-off has a lot to do with declining health or lack of a partner, not due to age.

The federally funded study, done by respected scientists and published in the New England Journal of Medicine, overturns some stereotypical notions that physical pleasure is just a young person’s game.

Some results:

  • Sex with a partner in the previous year was reported by 73 percent of people ages 57 to 64; 53 percent of those ages 64 to 75, and 26 percent of people 75 to 85. Of those who were active, most said they did it two to three times a month or more.
  • Women at all ages were less likely to be sexually active than men, but they also lacked partners as far more were widowed.
  • People whose health was excellent or very good were nearly twice as likely to be sexually active as those in poor or fair health.
  • Half of people having sex reported at least one related problem. Most common in men was erection trouble (37 percent); in women, low desire (43 percent), vaginal dryness (39 percent) and inability to have an orgasm (34 percent).
  • One out of seven men used Viagra or similar substances to improve sex.

 

Sexual problems can be a warning sign of diabetes, infections, cancer or other health woes. Untreated sex issues can lead to depression and social withdrawal, and people may even stop taking needed medications because of sexual side effects, the researchers wrote.

“This subject has been taboo for so long that many older people haven’t even talked to their spouses about their sexual problems, let alone a physician,” said the lead author, Dr. Stacy Tesser Lindau, a University of Chicago gynecologist.

Researchers also used state-of-the-art technology and products donated by several companies to test people’s senses. Taste strips were used to see if people could distinguish between various tastes (sour, salty). Special devices were used to test the ability to smell certain scents, including a suspected pheromone — a smell thought to evoke sexual responses.

Niels Teunis, an anthropologist and researcher at the Institute of Sexuality, Social Inequality, and Health at San Francisco State University, said the survey bolsters the “use it or lose it” factor seen in previous studies.

Jack Menager, 83, and his wife, Elizabeth, 84, say they have had a good sex life for nearly 60 years. “If you are doing it, you keep doing it. If you slack off in marriage like when you’re in your 40s, it’s hard to pick it up when you are older.”

The couple takes twice-daily walks, drinks wine in moderation and talks a lot, said his wife. “I think it’s important,” she said of sex. “It just makes you feel close.”

Menopause has a big effect on women, and the drop-off of estrogen makes many of them less interested in sex, Dr. John Bancroft of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University wrote in an accompanying editorial.

But menopause also means women no longer have to worry about getting pregnant, and many have more time and feel freer after children are gone.

The more you have sex, the better you will feel, no matter what age you are.  Sex keeps you feeling young, feeling healthy, and is just plain fun. As long as you are still healthy enough to take walks, you are healthy enough to have sex.  Just be gentle and avoid breaking a hip.

Successfully Navigating Speed Dating

0
March 28, 2012
by Ryan Barlow in , ,

With the launch party/speed-dating event of Finding Love Magazine looming, I’ve been getting bombarded with questions about speed dating protocol. Since you only have five to ten minutes to decide whom you consider long-term partner material, you must make your speed dating count.

Beautiful women love to go speed dating because men often don’t have the courage to approach them in a normal social setting, and it’s a fun night out with their girlfriends.  This is not the case for the guys. Eligible men don’t round up their buddies on a Saturday night for a few beers and two hours of speed dating just for fun. The guys on your left and right will often be unattractive, dull, socially awkward, or live with their mother. If this is you, don’t panic! Ladies tend not too be too shallow, and one of these traits probably won’t be a deal breaker, but you’ll stand out from the crowd if you don’t have too many of them.

What you need to know is that this is prime hunting ground for the savvy player. Ladies speed date to look for a guy who is interesting, charming, and confident, and many of the men do not fall into this category. If you can pull off some of the advice here, you’re already ahead of the game. Here are my tips on successfully navigating speed dating while having a great time.

Dress to Impress

The girls you’ll meet have made an effort. They are at their hottest, and you need to be as well. Do not go in the soccer shirt you wore yesterday. A suit is not necessary, although for certain events may be appropriate.  Wear a dress shirt and some decent shoes. It’s a first date combined with a job interview.  Dress accordingly.

Don’t Open With The Usual

Most speed dating nights have an average of 20 to 30 people from each sex. If you’re near the end of the line, the bored woman in front of you has already repeated the story of where she comes from and what she does for a living for the past two hours. Start with something you can steer out of the mundane, such as topics along the lines of travel, dreams for the future or childhood memories.

Be Confident!

Show Confidence, Even If You Don’t Feel Confident! People like their partners to show confidence.  The truth is you can fake it until you make it. In the course of “acting” confident, you actually train yourself to be more confident!  Try it, it really works!

Don’t Be the Creepy Guy

Every speed dating event has one. You might not mean to be, but it will come off that way if you ask things like: “What is a girl like you doing at speed dating?”  “Wanna hook up after this event?” “What’s your phone number?” She’ll be rubbed the wrong way. The system dictates that you discreetly mark the “yes” box and if the other person does the same, you will be provided with their contact details. Don’t push it.

Don’t Elaborate on Your Weaknesses

You have five minutes to sell yourself. Don’t talk about losing your job, not being able to find work, and moving in with your grandparents. Don’t mention ex-girlfriends, bad breakups or the fact that your family forced you to go to speed dating to get you out of the house because you’ve been pretty depressed recently.  This actually might belong under the Creepy Guy section.  Don’t do it.  Positive attitude only!

Have Some Good Questions Prepared in Advance

This might be the most important part of speed dating.  By preparing different questions and the answers to those questions, you have already differentiated yourself from the “what do you do for a living?” type of guys.

It’s often better to show a sense of humor than to appear overly serious at first, so here are some humorous questions you can use to break the ice:

  • “What superpower would you most like to have?”
  • “What’s your favorite dinosaur?”
  • “Didn’t I meet you in 2009 at the Star Trek Convention?”
  • How did your last relationship end… with a restraining order?
  • “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”
  • “What would you spend a million dollars on?”
  • “You wouldn’t mind if my mom joined us if we go out on a date, would you?”
  • “Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.”
  • If there were an extra hour in the day, what would you spend it doing?
  • “Have you attended a high school reunion yet?”
  • “If you could be any animal what would you be?”

These questions may seem silly, and that is the point. Unless everyone at your event has read this article, you will stand out as quirky and charming, but not desperate.  Women can smell desperation, and it’s not a pretty picture.  If you don’t take yourself too seriously, you will put the ladies at ease, and everyone will have a better time.

As an alternative to off-the-wall questions, spend a couple of minutes reading up on odd news stories you can pull out of your sleeve just in case. The guy with the nugget about the pole-dancing zoo animal may not be in high demand out on the streets, but he’ll inevitably leave an impression speed dating, just by having offered something different. Bonus points if you can actually weave your story into the conversation.

Here are some popular questions you may be asked, so have answers prepared in your mind.  I personally don’t think you should ask too many of these questions, unless they are asked of you first, but one or two never hurts.

  • What are you most proud of in your life?
  • Is religion important to you?
  • What do you do for fun?
  • Do you want to get or have you ever been married?
  • Do you want or do you have any children?
  • If we got into an argument, how would we settle it?
  • What do you do for work?
  • Is sexual compatibility important to you?
  • What do you look for in a spouse?

Say Goodbye Properly

This is CRUCIAL! Almost every guy speed dating stops mid-sentence and clumsily shuffles off to the next table when they are told their time is up. Don’t go in for a hug or anything creepy like that, but be sure to let her finish what she was saying, look her in the eye and say how very nice it was to meet her. Hold the eye contact for a second, go for a slight nod and a half-smile, and then move on without a backward glance. This will say volumes about you.  I promise.

Finally, Do NOT line up your dates

Congratulations, you scored a few dates! Just remember girlfriends often tend to be attracted to the same type of guy, so be sure to start with one date and schedule the others afterward. Sixty percent of girls go speed dating with their friends, so if you accidentally try to line up three BFF’s the Friday, Saturday and Sunday after the event, they will not be impressed, and you’ll be back to square one.

Have a great time!  If you are interested in speed dating, come down to the Finding Love Magazine Launch Party and Speed Dating event this weekend in Santa Monica, CA. Lea and I will be there mingling and having a good time.  Stop by and say hi.

 

*******************

 

Ryan Barlow is an American author and college professor.  His undergraduate education is in sexual psychology, and he currently teaches veterinary medicine at Boston Reed University.  He is pursuing his PhD in anthropology; with an emphasis in tribal sexuality.

For the more open minded, his rated R comedy feed can be found here.

Surround Yourself With The Right People

0
March 2, 2012
by Tommy B in

Take a look around you. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Your 5 closest friends are “you”. Good people are drawn to good people, and shitty people are drawn to shitty people. Now, there are exceptions to that rule, obviously. But we’re looking at the majority here. Crackheads don’t hang out with bible thumpers, and successful people don’t run with losers.  (more…)

Why Didn’t She Call?

4
January 25, 2012
by Tommy B in ,

You met a girl, you hit it off – maybe you even slept with her, and now she isn’t responding to your texts or calls. This post is going to be really short, because it’s really freakin simple: you’re too fucking eager.  (more…)

Confidence: Removing Self-Doubt

1
January 18, 2012
by Tommy B in ,

 

You’ve heard it before: “Sell with confidence”, “The confident approach”, Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” We could go on listing confident quotes for the entire article, but it’s not going to change the person you are. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you work at. Confidence isn’t even something that’s necessarily learned, it’s practiced. (more…)


Go to Top