A weekly series, highlighting some of our favorite ≤140′s from MensConfidence writers and others. If you don’t follow them, bury your head in shame. Then follow them.
It’s almost like North Korea has forgotten we LIKE to bomb Asians.
— Steve (@FSUSteve) March 7, 2013
Sent my husband a “We need to talk” text. I just want to know if he did my laundry.
— I am CanadianCyn (@CanadianCyn) March 4, 2013
The Queen is in hospital, so please Australia, NO ONE CALL THE HOSPITAL!
— BoyCalledAnn (@BoyCalledAnn) March 3, 2013
If someone was being held captive and could only open twitter on their phone, we’d all just star and RT the fuck out of their HELP ME tweet.
— Just Ginger(@xGingerAvenger) March 7, 2013
I’ve watched enough lifetime movies to know how this ends
— Lonnie R (@CandyWarhole) March 7, 2013
Netflix just suggested that I get a girlfriend?
— Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) March 5, 2013
I’ll typically eat an entire separate meal while cooking my main meal.
— Jay Such (@JaySuch) March 6, 2013
I hate when I get a super cute haircut and it doesn’t matter because I’m going to die alone.
— Puddin Mc7 (@PuddingBoobs) March 1, 2013
I’m in a bad mood and will be using my fake laugh all day, so if I laugh at anything you say today just know that I don’t mean it.
— Robyn Vo (@robyn_vo) March 5, 2013
There’s nothing as special as someone who wants to spend some physical time with you.Don’t fuck it up with your phone.
— Shane (@shanethevein) March 7, 2013
I’ve started keeping a Lego head in my nose so I can blow it into my hand whenever I want out of an awkward conversation.
— MJ (@sucittaM) March 6, 2013
Maybe North Korea just needs a Snickers bar
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 7, 2013
I don’t care if you’re the Lizard King, you can’t rhyme fire with fire and think no one will notice.
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) March 4, 2013
Love those mornings you wake feeling unusually optimistic, only to pass an old woman pulling her husband’s urn around in a wagon.
— Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) March 3, 2013
Just ate a ‘family size’ chocolate bar but forgot to include the family
— andy lassner (@andylassner) March 4, 2013
my mom’s house is like the one in Home Alone except all the booby traps are emotional
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 7, 2013